#MeToo: Now what?

<sub>Unless you live in a cave, aren't active on any social media or simply don't read the news, there is no way you're not aware of the female campaign #MeToo. Just in case you fit into one of those three categories (we forgive you), let me break it down for you: this campaign started in response to Hollywood powerful director Harvey Weinstein’s sexual misconduct allegations, and is basically a way for any woman who's be sexually assaulted or harassed (that would be most women) to either share her story if she wishes to, denounce her bully or simply post the hashtag in sign of solidarity.

In my point of view, this campaign has had a very liberating effect for women:  many have been able to face their dark past and "come out of the closet" about situations that were never completely dealt with.  However, it does come with negative aspects. First of all, whoever opens an old wound will most likely relive the suffering associated to it. That might mean for some crying, falling back into depression or reliving the misunderstanding/blaming associated with the suffering.</sub>

<sub>Which leads me to the second negative aspect. We all know that a good percentage of women have or will suffer some kind of sexual abuse in their lifetime. It is not be forgotten that men can suffer from it too, even though on a much smaller scale, especially at the hands of the opposite sex. Because even if us women wanted to take advantage of men by force, we all know that in most cases implying two adults, that would be impossible as we are physically weaker than them.   Still, some men who, instead of objectively looking at the reality and statistics and admitting that there is indeed something wrong with how the woman is treated in the society in general and how they might have treated women themselves in particular (as has done our beloved Christopher West), choose to reverse the situation in the most manipulative way, taking our hashtag for themselves  and addressing very wide societal problems like men rape (that is me being sarcastic). Some men like Richard Martineau, a famous Quebec journalist, has even gone as far as making up a hashtag for men who have been confronted to “slutty” girls, as he calls them, who have tried to gain something from men using questionable sexual persuasion tactics. He suggested a potential hashtag for that, #DenounceYourSlut. No comment.

So where does that leave us? What does that teach us regarding our bodies and our dignity as women? That's what we will discuss here.
  
“Our bodies, Temple of the Holy Spirit”</sub>

_{In this part I will mostly address abuse that comes not from strangers, but from people we know, maybe dates or boyfriends. Saint Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians, tells us, that  "our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit” (1Co 6:19). Well that sure sounds really nice! But what does it mean, concretely?}

_{A consecrated girl once told me, after I opened up to her about a guy I was dating, who was pressuring me to "take it to the next level", that if he refused to "take of his shoes to enter the sacred temple" (that would be my body), I would need to make a choice. That analogy remained with me until now. Take of his shoes. Honoring you like the Queen that you are, proving to you and your family and friends that he’s worthy of the privilege of “entering your temple”. Do I really need to concretely say how he would do that? But then what happens? What happens in a world where hooking up is a way of life? What happens when even in “legit” relationships”, we still get abused? After all, we are in the 21}^st _{century, no one wants to wait until marriage to have sex! Hel-lo! Well, what happens is we go with the flow, we follow what our bodies and our very human need to be with someone tells us and sometimes, we’ll end up in situations that are hard to get out of, for different reasons. Is it entirely the guy’s fault or are we absolute victims that had no idea what we were getting ourselves into? There is no way to respond to that questions in a way that can cover all situations and without making hasty generalizations that would sound like “slut shaming”, so I’ll leave the answer open. The question now is: how can we avoid those sticky situations? How do we “protect” ourselves as women, with the tools that we have in hands? Here are some things I learned the hard way myself, but that have taught me some things about men.}

_{1-              Trust your instinct}

_{When I heard about the #MeToo movement, I felt a strong need to share my stories with my Facebook friends. It was a pretty bold move since I have over 1500 friends, but I did it because I felt that some men really needed to read some experiences of what we go through as women on a daily basis.  The first story I shared was about that one time where I was invited to a supper by this guy on CouchSurfing. For those who don’t know, CouchSurfing is a social media that links people from all over the world who either travel the world or want to be in contact with globe trotters. It eventually offers the option to find a (free) host anywhere worldwide or to open your house to a traveler. Security is supposed to be tight, and so everyone has a profile with references of people who have met you and certify that you are a good, trustworthy person. So this dude contacts me to invite me to a supper with other CouchSurfers. His profile has good references, but he turns out to be Italian (but you don’t want to have a bias), his English is not so good and he says some ambiguous stuff. So I decide to go to the invitation with a male friend of mine, just in case. My friend leaves early and, to make a long story short, I get molested by this guy. So, moral of the story is: if it doesn’t feel good from the beginning, then it probably isn’t. Your instinct never lies. Trust it.}

_{2-              The hard truth about clothes}

_{Growing up in a Catholic environment, I would often be told to “cover up”, when I thought that what I had on was quite decent. It was frustrating. I did not like it. I still struggle with both dressing the part and being told that this or that is hanging out and that I should be careful. So this part of the article is definitely not to tell you what to wear. If you’re old enough to read it and to have a social media account, then you’re definitely old enough to choose your clothes yourself according to how you feel in the moment. Nope, my intent with this paragraph is to call women to BE AWARE. We need to stop being naïve and be aware that they are men out there who are staring, in case we hadn’t noticed. When we wear a cleavage, they stare, or at least they want to stare. When we wear those leggings as pants or just normal tight pants, they stare. Just to mention these two. But you know the rest, bikinis and stuff. Of course, any man who's well in his mind will just do the staring, the rest will happen in his head. However, in some cultures where man very generally still "dominate" women and treat them quite badly, some will not limit themselves to just watching. In the Western world, we like to think don't have such extreme "machismo", but we do have something that is probably worse: porn culture. Our men are bombarded with images of sexy women ready to do anything and they often mistake fiction and reality. Even when it is clear that our “no” is not a “yes” or a “maybe”, some men have grown so used to objectifying us and seeing male domination in movies and media as normal, that they just aren't able to stop themselves when they actually have a real woman in front of them. Worse, they have been taught that this is how “manly” men shall behave. If they want to get laid, at least. That is the world we live in. It’s harsh, but true.}

_{There is hope, though. There are some men out there who genuinely try to make an effort NOT to treat women as sexual objects. These men might abstain from watching porn or anything porn-looking or related. But then they go out in the street and they battle with NOT looking at them cleavages and nice uncovered lady lumps out there. Do we often think about them? Especially in our Christian environments. Let’s try to help them a little! That is called charity. If we want men to start looking at us like human beings rather than sexual objects, we have to do our part. It’s too easy to just label those who react in a not-so-subtle way as perverts and hope they will convert themselves while we just go on doing and wearing whathever feels good to ourselves and feeds our female ago with male attention, which we later declare unwanted when they voice it. Of course, society must do its part too. That would be stopping the glorification of pornography and educate young men AND women to avoid it like they shall avoid drugs or gambling. And then re-think all the messages portrayed throughout the media. But in the eyes of our liberal society, all of that that would be regressing, right (again, sarcastic tone)?}

 _{Now don’t get me wrong. Men who rape, molest and assault will do it regardless of what a woman is wearing. Unfortunately, wearing pants and a turtle neck can and will NOT protect us from these horrible human beings. That is another harsh truth. So if we choose, and I insist on the choose, to dress modestly, it is not so much for those unbalanced souls, but to help the good ones out there, those who want to make a change. AND of course, first and foremost, we do it for ourselves. To value our inside beings over our outside goodies. To protect ourselves from what we know is out there and is not pretty. We might not have the physical strength, we might not always have control over the time and the place, but we do have control over our body, what we do with it, how we “sell” it. That is, in most places in the Western world. I find it sad to see that some women are now being “covered-shamed”, as opposed to “slut-shamed”, because they choose to be modest. Generally speaking, we are lucky enough to live in a society where we have the choice to wear what we want. So, instead of being imposed modesty like it might be the case in some cultures or religions (I insist on the might, as I know that in lots of these cases that are not mediatized, woman freely choose to cover entirely their bodies for those same exact convictions), why not embrace modesty freely? Sure, it is a daily conversion and I am the first one to find it hard. Very hard. But my own personal experiences have taught me that “to have some things you’ve never had, you must do some things you’ve never done”. Whether we’re talking about a healthy relationship with a guy who loves and respects you for you or just a random guy who looks you in the eyes instead of elsewhere.}

_{So, what’s your point?}

_{My point is the following: women, my sisters, we have suffered, we still suffer, and we will keep on suffering. Most of the times, there is nothing we can do to keep that suffering from happening. It just happens, because we live in a world of fallen men and women. And because we are God’s greatest creation. When it happens, all we can do is to seek healing, self-love and forgiveness. Us Christians know that there is no better doctor than our Lord Jesus Christ. There are, however, small things we can do to protect ourselves, like trusting our instincts, watching our frequentations and how we portray ourselves to the opposite sex, not just in how we dress but also how we act and what we allow. Unfortunately, none of these things can protect us from sexual harassment or rape, I don’t think anything can. But as a great man by the name of Mahatma Gandhi once said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”}