In God We Trust: The link between general Love advice and Church advice

I wrote this article last summer and have been waiting for the perfect timing to release it. I decided I would do it on Valentine’s Day, since it refers to couples. In the meantime, I was blessed to attend to a Christopher West conference for the third time in my life, which fueled my desire to share this article, as it is inspired by his works on John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. So here we go!

Have you ever heard the expression "Never go to bed mad" as an advice for couples? In other words, couples should talk out any problems they might have and make peace before they go to bed together, so that the next day becomes a new day, free of resentment and grief. Well, I was thinking about that, and then I had this epiphany. I had already read books in which Christopher West makes an analogy, comparing marriage to the sacred altar on which the spouses reproduce the Holy Communion of love making, becoming one flesh, as we become one flesh with Jesus in the Holy Communion. Sure enough, he retook this analogy during the Conference named “Celibacy and Sexuality”, given in Montreal last January.

So let me build up on this analogy to make an even bigger picture: if the marriage bed is an altar and the spouses' lovemaking is the Holy Communion, then what would the advice of not going to sleep mad represent if we push it a little further? Tic tac... that's right, the Holy Confession! Just like it is not recommended for a couple to engage into sexual encounters as a way of "burying their problems", the Church recommends that we fix any problem or anything unsaid with Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation before we receive Him in the Sacrament of the Eucharist. Doesn't it all make sense?

Ok, let's try an alternate situation, which I took from a video of the preaching of a priest. Let's say a woman discovers that her man has been having a long-term affair. She confronts her husband about it and asks him to leave his mistress, and he refuses to do it. Do you think this lady will want to go to her altar/bed and proceed to her communion with her husband, as if nothing had happened? No, she is in her total right to refrain from making love to her husband for as long as he doesn't change the situation. The same thing happens when we are in a state of mortal sin (for example, a sexually active relationship outside of marriage in the Church) and we want to get communion. Wouldn't forcing communion on Jesus while he is waiting for us to “make things right” the equivalent of the cheating husband forcing a sexual encounter with his wife despite of him refusing to fix his situation?

A lot of people do not understand why the Church has certain rules, and a big debate inside the Church, which has been the subject of the last Synod for the Families, is about how the Church should handle “irregular” situations, like Catholics who are unmarried in the Church, in a sexually active homosexual relationship or who are divorced and remarried and would wish to receive the Holy Communion.

My opinion on the matter is that we cannot have the cake and eat it too. If we wish to receive Jesus, to take part in the most beautiful and wonderful feast that ever existed, then we must be willing to make some sacrifices, to die to ourselves, just as He died for us. And when we do, He meets us halfway and does the miracles we wish for so badly. I read a perfect example of this in a testimony of a divorced and remarried Spanish couple who, through a long process of conversion and abstinence during the time that their previous marriages were being annulled, learned the profound wisdom in the teachings of our Church.

Yes, I get it. Sometimes it does not only depend on us. Maybe one partner needs conversion and refuses marriage. Maybe one doesn’t want to go through the endless process of marriage annulment by the Church before he remarries. Maybe one does not want to remain alone and celibate for the rest of his life because of his sexual orientation. Maybe one has already found the love of his life and won’t let him go because of some old-fashioned Church principles. There are endless situations that differ from another. But I am here to tell you that when you make a step, God makes two. It’s all a matter of trusting him and resisting the temptation to “grasp our own happiness”, as we know very well that doing so does not come without an expensive price to pay when it comes to our relationship with God and our Church.

So my conclusions are the following. Let's not be so harsh with the teachings of our Church and trust that there is an infinite, 2000-year-old wisdom behind them. And if we are married or willing to get married, let's never forget that our human union between husband and wife is a small reflection of our Godly union with God, to once again paraphrase Christopher West.

Peace be with you!